Tuesday, July 17, 2012

           Love isn't a big enough word here....

Sayer is 6 months old today. So today we celebrated that along with Steve's birthday. Its hard to believe how much has happened since that day 6 months ago when the call finally came saying he was born. I was very deliberate in doing everything possible to hold that moment captive and remember as much of that call and the day as possible. It must have worked because, I still remember it exactly. I knew in that instant that our lives were changed but I had no idea of the complete joy that lay ahead. I remember being on the way to the hospital the next day and suddenly having the thought "what if we got a baby that was really fussy and colicky or didn't bond well with us or that we just didn't click?" I dont know where it came form after all of that time of waiting, but I had a moment of great fear. And then the moment I saw him, it was so clear how perfectly meant to be we all were. All of the days immediately following were just little kisses from God showing me just how perfectly matched we were. And now our days are just filled with complete joy. Sayer is such a happy and content baby. He is full of smiles and giggles just about all the time. He is inquisitive and happy and so loved. I was watching him tonight on our walk and he just kept looking from me to daddy to Zack. I just couldn't help but wonder what was going on his little mind. He just looked like he was so happy to be surrounded by everyone he loves. I wonder if he will ever fully know that joy he has brought to this house?  Im so grateful that God made this adoption path so clear to us. Even in the moments when it seemed to really be dragging on there was a peace that was so evident and looking at this baby, its all so clear. He was meant to be ours and we were meant to be his.

So tonight as I look back on these last 6 months, I am so grateful and so happy and so amazed that God has blessed us so beautifully with this little boy.

It is never far from my mind that the gift of Sayer didn't come without a price to someone else and it is for her that I pray every day and think about constantly. Sayers birth mom is a hero to me. She showed such strength and courage to make the choice for him that she did. I am forever in her debt. I see so much of her in him and that just warms my heart. I look forward to being able to share his whole story with him as he grows up and show him how perfectly God put all the pieces of his life together before he was even conceived. His destiny was in Gods plan long ago.

I was given a beautiful baby gift this past week that included a CD with the most touching song on it. I had to include the lyrics here. I wanted to find the video for it to include, but I cannot find one that isn't personalized by someone else. So the lyrics will do for now.

From God’s Arms, to My Arms, to Yours

So many wrong decisions in my past, I’m not quite sure,
If I can ever hope to trust my judgment anymore.
But lately I’ve been thinking, cause it’s all I’ve had to do
And in my heart I feel that I should give this child to you.
And maybe you can tell your baby,
When you love him so that he’s been loved before.
By someone, who delivered your son, from God’s arms,
To my arms, to yours.
If you choose to tell him, and if he wants to know,
How the one who gave him life could bear to let him go.
Just tell him there were sleepless nights I prayed and paced the floors.
I knew the only peace I’d find was if this child was yours.
And maybe you can tell your baby,
When you love him so that he’s been loved before.
By someone, who delivered your son, from God’s arms,
To my arms, to yours.
Know I know that you don’t have to do this,
But could you kiss him once for me,
The first time that he ties his shoes,
or falls and skins his knees?
And could you hold him twice as long
When he makes his mistakes?
And tell him that he’s not alone,
Sometimes that’s all it takes.
I know how much he’ll ache.
This may not be the answer for another girl like me,
And I’m not on a soap box saying how we all should be.
I’m just trusting in my feelings, and I’m trusting God above,
And I’m trusting you can give this baby all his mother’s love.
And maybe, you can tell your baby,
When you love him so that he’s been loved before.
By someone, who delivered your son, From God’s arms,
To my arms to yours.

                                                             Music by Michael McLean

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