~Mothers Day 2013~
I have wanted to be a mother my entire life. I cannot remember a time when I wasn't baby dreaming. I had no idea how amazing the journey would be or that it would be to ALL BOYS. I recently listened to a podcast on Focus on The Family about the chemically genetic differences between men and women, mostly referencing these differences in regard to marriage and how those differences are beneficial to balancing out a marriage. What dawned on me the most in this was, that all the years of my childhood must have really prepared me for my role as a mother of boys. Growing up in a house with just my dad and brother for many years was training ground for sure.
I guess I was always the little girl who longed for the mother daughter relationship that belonged to other little girls and moms. It was a hard thing to wrap my mind around as a child about why my mom died while I was so young, and even before that wasn't involved in my life like I knew a mother should be. But it is all starting to make sense now......
So fast forward to my young adult life and here come my two little boys. With each pregnancy I was CERTAIN, my mother daughter thing was just around the corner, and then came each awesome boy. The little lights of my world. So when Steve and I met and fell in love, no surprise he had boys too. So here I was once again in a household of men. When Steve and I decided to adopt it really shouldn't have been a shock or surprise to anyone that we wanted to pursue the adoption of a little girl. FINALLY I was going to have my mother/daughter dream. We did the paperwork and passed all the 'tests', we planned and painted and bought little girl things and THEN.......the phone call I waited for, for what seemed like forever, came. The only thing was 'gender is unknown'. Thats the moment I knew I was about to become a mommy again to another little boy. And I could not have been any happier or more thankful.
God taught me many things through our adoption wait and He has taught me MANY things on this motherhood journey. Things that make my whole life, make sense. Im so grateful for how He does this. I love my boys beyond words and I know that the absence of my mother in my life has made me a better mother. Im not perfect, not by a long shot. I loose my patience and probably nag them too much at times, I embarrass them on occasion, but they are fiercely loved by the woman who used to be the girl that spent her childhood days dreaming of them. Im so grateful that God blessed me with the privilege to grow two of them under my heart for nine long months, and that He also allowed me the experience of waiting, and growing myself, as I fell in love with this littlest one as he grew in my heart over the course of a couple of years.
This year, I am holding on for dear life to the days that remain before my oldest goes off to college. It is such a joy to celebrate his high school journey and accomplishments. To listen to his dreams of the future and watch as he works hard to prepare for the exciting road ahead of him. He has been such a
treasure. Its gonna be hard to watch him take flight, but I know he will do well. I often tell him, he was my very first dream come true. I hope and pray all of his dreams come true too.
In closing I have to say.....I am mindful everyday, especially on Mothers Day, of my little one's Birth Mom. She has been the unexpected EXTRA blessing in our adoption journey. I never imagined having such a special love for someone as I do her. My heart aches for the relationship that we don't have, but I have the privilege of praying for her and cherishing her and loving her for the blessing she brought into this world and then turned over to me. There are not enough words to explain the depth of my love and gratitude to her. I guess all I can do is love OUR son well and raise him to love others well.
I am one very blessed mom. All of my boys are such sweet, good hearted people. I am so excited to watch what God does through them and how they put together the little dots of their life as they grow and reflect.
