~Mothers Day 2013~

I have wanted to be a mother my entire life. I cannot remember a time when I wasn't baby dreaming. I had no idea how amazing the journey would be or that it would be to ALL BOYS.
I recently listened to a podcast on Focus on The Family about the chemically genetic differences between men and women, mostly referencing these differences in regard to marriage and how those differences are beneficial to balancing out a marriage. What dawned on me the most in this was, that all the years of my childhood must have really prepared me for my role as a mother of boys. Growing up in a house with just my dad and brother for many years was training ground for sure. 

I guess I was always the little girl who longed for the mother daughter relationship that belonged to other little girls and moms. It was a hard thing to wrap my mind around as a child about why my mom died while I was so young, and even before that wasn't involved in my life like I knew a mother should be. But it is all starting to make sense now......

So fast forward to my young adult life and here come my two little boys. With each pregnancy I was CERTAIN, my mother daughter thing was just around the corner, and then came each awesome boy. The little lights of my world. So when Steve and I met and fell in love, no surprise he had boys too. So here I was once again in a household of men. When Steve and I decided to adopt it really shouldn't have been a shock or surprise to anyone that we wanted to pursue the adoption of a little girl. FINALLY I was going to have my mother/daughter dream. We did the paperwork and passed all the 'tests', we planned and painted and bought little girl things and THEN.......the phone call I waited for, for what seemed like forever, came. The only thing was 'gender is unknown'. Thats the moment I knew I was about to become a mommy again to another little boy. And I could not have been any happier or more thankful.

God taught me many things through our adoption wait and He has taught me MANY things on this motherhood journey. Things that make my whole life, make sense. Im so grateful for how He does this. I love my boys beyond words and I know that the absence of my mother in my life has made me a better mother. Im not perfect, not by a long shot. I loose my patience and probably nag them too much at times, I embarrass them on occasion, but they are fiercely loved by the woman who used to be the girl that spent her childhood days dreaming of them. Im so grateful that God blessed me with the privilege to grow two of them under my heart for nine long months, and that He also allowed me the experience of waiting, and growing myself, as I fell in love with this littlest one as he grew in my heart over the course of a couple of years.

This year, I am holding on for dear life to the days that remain before my oldest goes off to college. It is such a joy to celebrate his high school journey and accomplishments. To listen to his dreams of the future and watch as he works hard to prepare for the exciting road ahead of him. He has been such a

treasure. Its gonna be hard to watch him take flight, but I know he will do well. I often tell him, he was my very first dream come true. I hope and pray all of his dreams come true too.   

 In closing I have to say.....I am mindful everyday, especially on Mothers Day, of my little one's Birth Mom. She has been the unexpected EXTRA blessing in our adoption journey. I never imagined having such a special love for someone as I do her. My heart aches for the relationship that we don't have, but I have the privilege of praying for her and cherishing her and loving her for the blessing she brought into this world and then turned over to me. There are not enough words to explain the depth of my love and gratitude to her. I guess all I can do is love OUR son well and raise him to love others well. 

I am one very blessed mom. All of my boys are such sweet, good hearted people. I am so excited to watch what God does through them and how they put together the little dots of their life as they grow and reflect. 

           Love isn't a big enough word here....

Sayer is 6 months old today. So today we celebrated that along with Steve's birthday. Its hard to believe how much has happened since that day 6 months ago when the call finally came saying he was born. I was very deliberate in doing everything possible to hold that moment captive and remember as much of that call and the day as possible. It must have worked because, I still remember it exactly. I knew in that instant that our lives were changed but I had no idea of the complete joy that lay ahead. I remember being on the way to the hospital the next day and suddenly having the thought "what if we got a baby that was really fussy and colicky or didn't bond well with us or that we just didn't click?" I dont know where it came form after all of that time of waiting, but I had a moment of great fear. And then the moment I saw him, it was so clear how perfectly meant to be we all were. All of the days immediately following were just little kisses from God showing me just how perfectly matched we were. And now our days are just filled with complete joy. Sayer is such a happy and content baby. He is full of smiles and giggles just about all the time. He is inquisitive and happy and so loved. I was watching him tonight on our walk and he just kept looking from me to daddy to Zack. I just couldn't help but wonder what was going on his little mind. He just looked like he was so happy to be surrounded by everyone he loves. I wonder if he will ever fully know that joy he has brought to this house?  Im so grateful that God made this adoption path so clear to us. Even in the moments when it seemed to really be dragging on there was a peace that was so evident and looking at this baby, its all so clear. He was meant to be ours and we were meant to be his.

So tonight as I look back on these last 6 months, I am so grateful and so happy and so amazed that God has blessed us so beautifully with this little boy.

It is never far from my mind that the gift of Sayer didn't come without a price to someone else and it is for her that I pray every day and think about constantly. Sayers birth mom is a hero to me. She showed such strength and courage to make the choice for him that she did. I am forever in her debt. I see so much of her in him and that just warms my heart. I look forward to being able to share his whole story with him as he grows up and show him how perfectly God put all the pieces of his life together before he was even conceived. His destiny was in Gods plan long ago.

I was given a beautiful baby gift this past week that included a CD with the most touching song on it. I had to include the lyrics here. I wanted to find the video for it to include, but I cannot find one that isn't personalized by someone else. So the lyrics will do for now.

From God’s Arms, to My Arms, to Yours

So many wrong decisions in my past, I’m not quite sure,
If I can ever hope to trust my judgment anymore.
But lately I’ve been thinking, cause it’s all I’ve had to do
And in my heart I feel that I should give this child to you.
And maybe you can tell your baby,
When you love him so that he’s been loved before.
By someone, who delivered your son, from God’s arms,
To my arms, to yours.
If you choose to tell him, and if he wants to know,
How the one who gave him life could bear to let him go.
Just tell him there were sleepless nights I prayed and paced the floors.
I knew the only peace I’d find was if this child was yours.
And maybe you can tell your baby,
When you love him so that he’s been loved before.
By someone, who delivered your son, from God’s arms,
To my arms, to yours.
Know I know that you don’t have to do this,
But could you kiss him once for me,
The first time that he ties his shoes,
or falls and skins his knees?

And could you hold him twice as long
When he makes his mistakes?
And tell him that he’s not alone,
Sometimes that’s all it takes.
I know how much he’ll ache.
This may not be the answer for another girl like me,
And I’m not on a soap box saying how we all should be.
I’m just trusting in my feelings, and I’m trusting God above,
And I’m trusting you can give this baby all his mother’s love.
And maybe, you can tell your baby,
When you love him so that he’s been loved before.
By someone, who delivered your son, From God’s arms,
To my arms to yours.

                                                             Music by Michael McLean

Mamas Day

As I look ahead to this Mothers Day weekend, I have to smile. My heart is full of gratitude for the honor and privilege to be a mom. It is my lifelong dream come true. While other girls were aspiring to be doctors or lawyers or veterinarians or members of corporate America, I was daydreaming about babies and one day being a mom. I never imagined just how great it would really be though, or that it would be ALL boys. But what a joy. As I write this now little Sayer is snuggled into me as close as he can get and I just treasure that sweetness, I already had the good night-sleep tight- don't let the bed bugs bite, talk with the teens( yes they still indulge me). Being the mother of teens is a very special treat. Im serious!!!! I love their sense of humor and their take on life experiences, I love the way they still need me even though the needs have changed. I love the child likeness about them even as they are spreading their wings and discovering how high they can fly. Mothering them makes me a better person. But this year another perspective on Mothers Day will be celebrated too. The celebration of the hero and unselfish loving mother that Sayers Birth Mom is. I cannot even begin to imagine the choice she made, or the depth of love that she displayed, but my gratitude to her for it, is immeasurable. I don't know the circumstances that led to her choice but I know she was strong in her resolve. The strength and love she showed through her choice is a beautiful display of a mothers love indeed. She gave me such a precious treasure of a gift and really made every day mothers day for me. I've learned a lot about being a strong and unselfish mom from the woman who couldn't keep her baby to mother herself. Isn't that ironic? So this weekend while I get to enjoy the glory of being a mom, I will be thinking so dearly of the woman who helped make me one, one more time!!!! God Bless birth moms.

Long overdue UPDATE........

These past 4-5 months have been a whirlwind. When I look back at the last time I updated this blog Its terrible that it was way back in September. I have to say that the great excitement that drove me to create this blog started to get replaced with dread as I searched for ways to post updates and find new things to sound excited about, when I was feeling very down and out about how this adoption journey was all going to turn out. My faith was strong to to be sure, but I was always feeling like it was a daunting task to post something on here and have 'no-news'. But THEN........When there was news it came like a BLAZE OF GLORY and its been non stop around here ever since. I wrote about it, in part anyway, in our recent church newsletter..........


~For I know the plans I have for you”, declares The Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”~ Jeremiah 29:11

As I look back on the events that led to Sayer coming into our family, It’s overwhelming to think about all of the ways God has revealed himself to me. I would say the biggest lesson if you will, in these past two years has been my completely letting go and completely trusting God in the tiniest of details. I am one who kind of likes to have things ‘in order’. Well the adoption journey is definitely a path of dis-order. It’s been a real test of strength and faith and most of all trust, as I have leaned on God and sought Him every step of the way.  As one door would close I would ask for clarity and EVERY SINGLE TIME I would receive the most reassuring calm, and know that simply trusting God and His timing was all I needed to do. As many of you know we started this adoption journey on the other side of the world, in hopes of a little girl from Ethiopia. Little did we know that God would burst open a door right here in our own backyard in Illinois and had for us, a precious little boy.  All along the way I had been praying for God to make clear to us His Hand in this process. I was desperate to see His Hand in all of this. On the days when I felt like the waiting was just too much to take, I would trust. On the days when I felt so alone in this journey with no one to understand how I was feeling, I would trust. On the days when I questioned if this was even the right thing to do, I would trust. Eventually I was just surrounded by a peace I cannot explain, and the urgency I had been feeling for a baby turned into the daily need for God’s Direction in it all, no matter how it all turned out, even if it turned out that this wasn’t meant to be. As the Ethiopia option had come to a grinding halt with longer and longer wait times, it was becoming clearer to me that path was not to be. I was really sad about that and it took time for Steve to come to that same realization. This was June. In the meantime we began working with various agencies domestically, and assumed that once we decided to do that, that our wait would be short as we were open to any race. In October one of agencies called finally, and wondered if we would be open to twin girls? That was a new thought and we considered it and ultimately passed on being considered for that situation due to some health concerns in the background, but it was a good circumstance for us to be faced with because as we sought Him, we felt a clear leading of ‘NO’ but also recognized that maybe God was preparing us for something we hadn’t planned on through this. The very next day another set of twins came about and we felt much better about that situation. We decided to submit our profile and see what happens. This was for a boy and a girl and they were to be delivered in 3 days. WOW. So we got busy thinking of boy names and were stuck. We could not agree on anything. I went to bed that night and had a dream about SAER (We changed the spelling). I had never heard of that name before and I quickly looked it up in my baby name book. It means ‘Carpenter’. I had an overwhelming sense that this name was from God and that He had a specific plan for a specific child and again I was just so at peace at however this situation turned out and whatever happened.  It might sound strange but its things just like this all along the way, that were our little reassurances from God in a process that is so uncertain. When the situation for these twins didn’t happen, we felt a little disappointed but I was sure that this whole thing came about as just another step in our story. I wasn’t sure where we were heading and where it would all end up, or if it would even end up with a baby for us, but I was sure of God’s plan in it all as never before. As Thanksgiving approached, life was busier than ever with Steve’s work schedule and how it was impacting the whole family. I was really looking forward to the downtime of the holiday weekend. I was looking forward to having some time with my husband and have some real conversations about things. I was more and more sure we needed to pull out if Ethiopia and he just wanted to take a little more time to pray about it and feel comfortable with letting that dream go. So after a week of serious prayer, on Sunday Dec 3^rd, Steve gave the go ahead to contact our family coordinator in Virginia and let her know we were pulling out of the program. It was a sad decision to have to come to, but the emotional toll from the uncertainty of the Ethiopian government was just becoming too much and we felt our focus needed to be in a domestic program. First thing on Monday morning Dec 4^th I sent out the email to our agency for Ethiopia. I told her of our decision and thanked them for their help and support in our adoption journey. Around 12 noon that very same day I received a call out of the blue from our Illinois social worker who had a ‘situation’ she wanted to share with us. All I heard her say was that, and I burst into tears. I cannot explain any other reason for it than I KNEW as sure as I knew anything, that this was the call we had been waiting for. After months of agonizing over what to do in regard to Ethiopia, we finally took a step and that very same day God opened the door that would change our lives and our family forever. This situation was for a baby of unknown gender and she wondered if that was ok with us as we had wanted a girl. I couldn’t even talk to her. Sobbing, I just handed the phone to Steve. He had to be wondering what the heck was wrong with me and who on earth was on the other end of that phone. We gave her the go ahead to present us to this Birth Mother and she picked us. I wasn’t surprised. God blessed me so beautifully when our social worker Maria told me that upon choosing us to parent her child she specifically called me by name. She said ‘I want Jennifer’. God knew I needed clear direction and He provided it by literally having me called out by name. Over the next couple of weeks, as we got the limited details that were available, what stood out to me was that Birth Mom specifically made the decision to not name the baby in the hospital and allow us to give him a name. In an instant I understood the dream I had previously about Sayer. I knew that the ultra sound planned for the following week was going to show that this baby was a boy. God had named this child before we even knew this child was going to be. Obviously there is so much more to this whole story and I could go on and on about all of the ways that God has revealed Himself to us in this, but the main thing is the realization for me and us, as a family, and someday Sayer to know, that God’s Design IS in our lives and the seemingly tiny details reflect His Plans for our lives, we just have to take notice. We are so excited to watch Sayer grow up knowing how His Father loved him and planned for him before he was even born, of how He was preparing his family for him through this adoption journey, before he was even conceived. What an Awesome God we have.  

~Psalms 139:13-18~ For you created my inmost being;you knit me together in my mother's womb.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful, I know that full well.My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts,God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand-when I awake, I am still with you. 

Windows on the World

When I was a child, I went with my dad on a business trip to NYC. It was a very exciting trip. It was my first airplane ride. First, and so far only, Broadway show....42nd Street. We went to the top of the Empire State Building. We stayed at a fancy hotel on Long Island. I have to say the most memorable, and now most precious memory of that trip, was our fancy dinner out to Windows On The World..at the top of the World Trade Center Tower 1, on the 107th floor.  I was so in awe of this really awesome place. There was bathroom attendant, and tuxedo waiters and I really felt like I was on top of the world. Now10 years after the attacks on those buildings and this country, I treasure even more, that wonderful memory. I am so grateful to be grounded in my faith and know the promises of God. The plans that God has in store for this world and everyone in it, are far greater than the deepest grief, sorrow, pain and fear these attacks brought us. That thought reminds me very much Romans 8:18 ~ For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us. (ISV)

9 years ago today, my life changed forever........

Today is the anniversary of the very first email Steve ever sent me. We were both newly registered on www.christianmatchmaker.com and learning how to navigate our free 7 day trial. We were both freshly on our way out of our marriages and dealing with the pain of divorce and loneliness and fear of single parenting. We really turned to the online dating thing as a way to test the waters and see if we had a chance at love again, looking for friendships of people who could relate to where we were at and what we were going through. I had made up my mind that I was not going to pursue anyone as my choices were not working out too hot. I spent many hours in prayer over the decision to sign up for this site and my strongest prayer in all of it was that if God had someone out there who was what He wanted for me and my two little boys, that He would make it clear and obvious, I need a 2x4 on occasion, and that whoever it would be, would seek me out. So.......on August 29th 2002, came the first email from Steve285.

STEVE285

NORWJEN974

We connected right away and really clicked (obviously). We both had pain to work through and lots of ground to cover before we found our way to the altar, but it was clear early on that this was no ordinary situation. Soon after our correspondences were revealing a deeper connection than I had ever known with any other human being, it occurred to me that in case this turns out to be as special as I think, I printed off and kept a record of every single email sent back and forth. I kept them in order from the very first, to when we both signed off the site with our love match. Now we have an unbelievable record and account of our loves first blossoms. I really had no idea at the time that this would be such treasure. Its really a great resource for the occassionsal "oh yes you did say that....here it is on day 32 at 9:15 a.m", but beyond that fun, it is so, so sweet to be able to see the growth we have had as individuals and the vulnerabilities we so openly shared with one another. I think most people who know us, see a certain uniqueness to us and I really believe it stems, obviously first and foremost from God, but also the avenue He provided for us to be able to so honestly and openly reveal our hearts and hurts and dreams with each other. I knew very early on that I was falling for this Steve 285, and I was terrified and certain all at the same time. My life changed forever that day.




We corresponded and talked and laughed and cried and prayed with each other for 4 months before we finally met face to face. I was head over heels by the time Dec. 20th 2002 rolled around. We met in downtown Chicago just 5 days before Christmas. Steve was everything I expected and then some. We went on a romantic carriage ride as the snow softly fell. We went to dinner and a show.  The magic of the season mirrored the magic that was happening between us. He treated me like a princess who just discovered the prince she thought only lived in her dreams.By the time I was headed back home to Indiana, I knew it was going to be a rough time ahead. I was in-love and Steve was still healing. Waiting has never been my strong point. But I knew this was going to be worth any wait and any heartache we had to go through, to get to where we were meant to be.




Over the next few months, I finished school and then packed up myself and my little ones and we moved to Wisconsin. This was a great time for the three of us. We settled into a new little apartment and Kindergarten for Zack, 3rd grade for Ricky and full time job for mom. Our life was on a new road. Steve and I were able to start dating more as we were only 2 hours from each other now, and our love started to develop on an even deeper level. We took our time with who we were becoming. We met each other's parents and friends and then we introduced the kids into our relationship. It wasn't long then, before he bent down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.


So after two years of learning about each other and discovering many things about ourselves, the love that started growing back on that day of Aug 29th 2002, became the celebration of our marriage in April 2004. This man who is my best friend and wonderful husband, still gets me blushing and smiling like he did in those earliest days. Looking back over this collection of emails today has had me beaming all over again. All of those butterfly emotions come flooding back and I am so grateful that I haven't forgotten, in the business of life and blending a family, what it feels like to fall in love all over again with my husband. He is a gift from God and the treasure that our love is, is one that has His fingerprints all over it. 

Alabama Beach Pics!!!



So glad I found this photographer. This was great fun and a tradition we can carry on every Spring Break now. We are so hopeful that next year, our little girl will be in the photos too!!!!!

~Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.~



 ~Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of  singing has come.~

                                    

                                       



Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?



~And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season;his leaf also shall not wither;and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.~

~I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:
marvelous are Thy works;and that my soul knoweth right well.



~But as for me and my house, we will serve The Lord.~



Spring in Coming.............

We are thawing out here in Chicagoland. little buds are showing up on the trees and tulips will be popping any minute. We started Spring with a FABULOUS Spring Break trip down south where the roses are in full bloom!!!!

We stopped in Nashville and The Grand Ole Opry on our way to Alabama to the Gulf coast. Oh how I love the south. Alabama is our new favorite spot for sure. If you ever cant find me....look south. I like to think of myself as a southern girl. I was born and raised in the south after all.....it was just southern California. In any case.....I loved the week of sunshine and surf. It was great to have Steve with us for a whole week too as he has been traveling so much lately.

It was much needed family time. We spent alot of time on the beach, went to the USS ALABAMA, did some shopping and of course made a visit or two to The Waffel House.

While we were away...our adoption agency went referral crazy and we went from #41 to #36 for an infant girl!!!! YAY. Still a ways to go, yes....but we will take it. 36 is my new favorite number!!!



Zack trying to catch his towel  in the wind.












Rick and Zack looking for some waves



loving the sunshine!!















Jennifer's Walk

This has been a strange week for me. I didnt plan on it being this way, but it turned out to be. I wont go into the details about exactly how or why or what led to this, but I have had a week of deep contemplation. Contemplation of how I got here to this place in my life. Why am I who I am...and  how am I not who Im not? See what I mean, strange? As I had really been exploring some of these things...things at the core of who I am, I discovered one of my first books, if not my VERY first book. Jennifer's Walk by Anne Carrier

Well....how appropriate????

I flipped through it and suddenly started to wonder if some of the ways I think about life and home and family and 'mommying' stem from this very book? There are sweet illustrations of a farmhouse and open land with fields of daisies and home and adventure (within the safe bounderies of the homestead). The story was of  a little girl's independence and the safety and security of her return home with open arms waiting for her....reaching out to recieve her. What I remember loving most about this book was the inside cover that showed the map of this girls "walk". Like little breadcrumbs...a bird's eye view. All of her adventures from beginning to end ~but showing the full picture!!! Looking through this book again made me think instantly about my life and all of my adventure's  and many mis-adventures too. About the dreams that I have been chasing all my life and have been so blessed to have many of them come true. Inevitabley it made me contemplate my 'own walk'. How my life's walk has become, by God's Grace, my Christian walk. How God has been leading me the whole way, even  before I knew Him. Preparing my steps and paving my way To Him. I just had to find the right road. That wasn't exactly easy...but it has been worth arriving at the destination.

                                           

My walk started in sunny southern California. There I grew up loving sunshine and how it feels on my skin  and how it looks on the water. I was born to love the ocean and mountains and being barefoot. I learned how to sing John Denver songs before I even learned to talk. I always loved babies and I am sure it started with my baby brother. In reaching back into the depths of my memories though, some things were scary to the little girl I was on the adventure through my young life. I remember walking to school in Kindergarten this one particular day (alone....UM...I guess I dont NEED to know why, but why?????? ) and  a group of three boys, big scary boys...probably 2nd graders, told me that I cannot walk on that side of the street any more and that if I did it again, they would  break  my nose. Well  you better belive I never walked on that side of the street again. I was terrified of their threat. I remember being so pre-occupied by the thought of them actually breaking my nose, that I know I worried about it ALOT. It's so strange to think about it 32 years later and remember that feeling of  fear. I also remember having to knock on the car window of my crossing guard to wake him up so he could get me accross the busy street. The feeling of being 5 and having to wake up the the person whose job it was to protect me from traffic was puzzling to me...even then. From an early age I got the impression that I had to be on my toes.

I also remember my mom being distracted. Sadly...but to be honest...it always felt to me like she was too distracted for me. She was sick alot. I remember her talking to me about dying. How if she died she would still  keep an eye on me and I would know she was near because she would "come back" as a bee and I shouldn't be afraid of bees, I would know it was her becuase she would land on me, but not sting me.  WHAT????? At the very young age of 5 or 6, when a little girl should be dreaming of growing up to be just like her mom, I remember thinking .....that is crazy. I was from that moment on, terrified of  (A) my mom dying and (B) Bees. She died when I was ten. I walked into the world of becoming an adult too young on that day. I assumed the role of  mother to myself  and my brother. Already my life was a winding road.

I survived Kindergarten and so did my nose. I survived the death of my mother~and I never had a bee sting. I survived Middle School and High School and my first love. I survived being a step-daughter and earthquakes and cross country moves and bad choices. I survived young adulthood. I walked into marriage at the very young age of 20. Then I quickly walked into the best years of my life when I was 21. No... not because I could finally drink~ that never held any allure for me~ When I was 21, Ricky was born. My first baby....my dream come true. My treasure...my reason for being born. To love this child, to be his mommy to be his protector and peanut butter and jelly maker. To be his cheerleader through life and walk him to Kindergarten....(no one was gonna be breaking any noses on my watch). 3 years later, Zachary was born. How could one girl be so darn  lucky????  I had two of  the CUTEST and SWEETEST baby boys ever, and they were the center of my life. Life wasn't easy by any means...but those boys made life worth living. This marriage road was a rocky one. At times a scary one. Eventually I had a choice to make and contemplated with much fear which road to take....and I walked  towards the road to PEACE.

It was during this time that I discovered the identity of the still, small voice that had been guiding me and calling me and protecting me all my life. It was The Voice and The Call of my Heavenly Father and He was calling me to come and forever be protected and safe in Him. I have been on this walk with My Lord for 11  years now. I have learned to wait on Him. Hope in Him. Live in Him. Trust in Him. These things have not been easy. Discovering Him honestly was the easy part. Learning how to live for Him and re-define my life as His and not my own has not been easy. To put the pain down and leave it there. To search my heart and sift through my dreams, and find  the ones he planted there early on. To discover the ones to keep and others to leave  behind, has been a process. I have learned to like myself as I have learned to see myself ,with even a glimpse of how He sees me. I have sought Him out, and He has revealed  more and more of Himself to me.

He has taken me from being a scared little girl with a love for sunshine and a song in her heart, to a woman who is living the dreams He planted there before the beginning of time. He has set me on the road to eternity with Him. He has designed  me with a soft heart and a strong spirit. He has blessed me with a strong hand to hold and the safe protective embrace of my husband. He has blessed me with healthy wonderful children. He has blessed me with a strong network of great friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. My life is full and grand and perfectly mine. He has now set me on a path to be a mother to a baby girl on the other side of the world. With all of the mess that troubles this world and all of the hardship and heartache that infects this planet... He has designed a path for me to bring me closer to Him. He called me to be His and gave me ears to hear.

I have realized that I am not on this road alone, and I never was.


"Before I formed you in your mother's womb I knew you. Before you were born I set you apart."
~Jeremiah 1:5

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

~Psalm 139:16

The Latest News in TeunisLand

Well the date that we have been working towards for many months now, finally came and was assigned to our family last Friday. Teunis' are officially DTE ( Dossier To Ethiopia) on January 14th, 2011 for an infant girl 0-12 mos.We certainly still have a long wait ahead of us, but all of the paperwork, and protecting the paperwork, is done. It feels really good to finally be standing in line and now be able to focus on all  of the many things still to do to prepare for the life change of having a baby in the house again. We will be having a blast making a little baby girl room, of which my hubs has already started and actually almost finished. We will be taking a wonderful spring break vacation back to the Gulf Coast and thawing our from our wintery weariness and finally get some sunshine on this skin. We will be saving ,saving ,saving for the impending "To The Ends Of The Earth" journey for our baby girl. Mostly though, we are going to be looking ahead with wonder as we wait for ~The Call~  that tells us our wait is almost over and we have a daughter.

We look forward to posting the adventures of our  journey here and until there is more to tell, we ask that you continue to pray for the process and for patience for us.

~Blessings
Steve and Jen

Christmas Trees of Glory!!!

I am copying and pasting this blog entry in order to help raise funds for this project. Please read below.....


CHRISTMAS TREES OF GLORY

So, here it is. Your big chance to join with me and the folks at Children's Hopechest to impact the lives of 84 needy kids in Ethiopia.

~A shocking statistic. Americans spend 450 BILLION dollars year after year after year buying stuff each Christmas. Usually, the stuff purchased is a luxury item and often it is forgotten by the new year. This year, we have the opportunity to give gifts that matter and have an ongoing impact.

Trees of Glory needs funding to construct a barn to house 5 cows. The cows will graze the land that is at risk of being taken back by the government, thereby fulfilling the land use requirement and protecting the land. Remember, this land is a vital piece of property at TOG as it separates the school from an existing well. It's a pretty simple solution to the problem. One that doesn't sound very heroic. But, for people who struggle just to survive, this is an insurmountable hurdle and it will make a big difference for them.

That's where you and I come in. For just $1100, Hopechest can purchase the supplies needed to construct the barn. Hopechest has estimated the cost of each cow to be about $900. So, for about $5600, the land at Trees of Glory will be protected. This project will not only protect the land, but it will also provide a sustainable food source and good source of protein from the cows' milk and give the care point a potential income source.

While $5600 may sound like a lot, let's break that down a bit. Like I said, I'm not sure how many people read this blog, but even if just 10 blog readers made the commitment to pass this information on and worked to raise a tenth of the money needed, that would only be $560 per blogger. You wouldn't be committing to giving that much money, just to spreading the word, advocating for these kids and inspiring others to give a gift that really matters this year. If your blog reached 10 people who committed to spreading the word and encouraging donations, the need would be met if each of those bloggers raised just $56 each. So you see, if we all work together, the larger sum becomes much more manageable.

So what I'm really hoping is that at least 10 of my blog readers will respond and commit to advocating for these kids over the next month through your blogs, emails and/or facebook pages so we can get this money raised ASAP for Trees of Glory.

So here's how the fundraiser works. We're calling this fundraiser "Christmas Trees of Glory" because we want you to look at your Christmas lists this year in a different light. Think about your part of that 450 billion that Americans will collectively spend on Christmas gifts in 2010. Now this year, instead of going to Target or Toys R Us, do some of your shopping online by making a donation (of any amount) to the Trees of Glory Livestock Fund (all donations will be given directly through Hopechest's secure website).


You will then receive a gift card like the one pictured below (designs may vary slightly) and an envelope for each of the donations that you make. So, if you want to make a $5 donation for 5 of the people on your gift list (think teachers, co-workers, relatives, friends...), you'll donate $25 to Hopechest and then email me at jirvin79@gmail.com to let me know that you've made a donation (that way we can track the donations and make sure they are allocated properly to the livestock fund). Also include your address and the number of gift cards/envelopes that you need and we'll mail them off to you. The back of the card will briefly detail how your gift will impact the lives of the kids at TOG.

Pretty simple right?







To review:
Make a donation at http://www.hopechest.org/ / (go to the site, click on the orange GIVE button on the far right side at the top of the home page)

Under "Gift Information," click on "choose a fund" and select "designated gifts"

Then write in your gift amount (if you're giving gift cards to more than one person, just add up the total amount to be given and write it in the blank, then when you email me, just clarify the number of total gift cards needed-that will save you from having to make multiple donations)

Then (this is the important part) under the "notes field" be sure to add in the Trees of Glory Livestock Fund code which is "ET2119000 LIVESTOCK."

Finally, add in your info and follow the prompts to complete your donation.

Once you complete your donation, send me an email at jirvin79@gmail .com with your donation amount, your mailing address and the number of gift cards that you need and we'll send it out to you within the next few days. So that we are able to get the cards to you before Christmas, please make all donations prior to December 18th. If we have not met our goal by then, we will continue fundraising through other avenues, but the gift cards will no longer be sent.

I know that's a lot of information all at once. If you have any questions, please email me.

I'd also love for you to send me a comment if you are planning on posting this information on your blog or other outlet just so I can have an idea of who's participating. Feel free to copy any information posted here and encourage your blog readers to post it on their blogs so that we can reach as many readers as possible.

You can be creative in your advocating and even do other fundraisers of your own (ie. bake sales, garage sales, raffles....) to raise funds. The goal is to raise all of the funds. How we do it makes no difference.

I've been praying about this fund raiser for several weeks and my biggest prayer is that God will work in amazing ways and that all glory will be His.

Happy Blogging!!

Let's be the hope for these kids this Christmas!!!!!

Teunis Adoption T-Shirt Fundraiser starts TODAY!!!!

We are so excited to announce that our family has been selected by Wild OliveTees to be a featured family for an adoption fundraiser. How this works is, between 11/19 and 12/20 you can purchase Adoption T-Shirts at Wild Olive Tees and enter the coupon code TEUNIS1119.

They keep track of our sales and at the end of the fundraiser, they send us a check towards adoption funds. YAY!!!!

I dont know if any of you are familiar with this company, but their shirts are
wonderful, beautiful quality and such sweet designs with coordinating sacriptures. Please check it out by clicking the button here on the blog just to the right. These shirts make great holiday gifts too. Please help us spread the word!!!!!

As far as updates on our adoption status and where we are at, our homestudy is now in the hands of the state of Illinois and I am hopeful that the next few weeks will provide a little bit of movement. In the
meantime, we have this fundraiser and the holidays to focus on. I look forward to updating again very soon with SOME news of any kind. The next steps are so close and yet we cant take them just quite yet. Please pray for an extra measure of patience for me. I seem to get stuck between excitment and anxiousness and I am really trying to stay completely focused on God's timing in all of this.

All our love, Steve and Jennifer

Finally an update!!!!!

I have been hesitant to post updates here, as there hadn't really been any...and now there are a couple, so here I am.

1~We were finally able to meet our new social worker, who has finished our homestudy. YAY!!!! Last Thursday the 22nd, she came to our home and had lunch with us. We spent some wonderful time getting to know one another. She is wonderful, and after meeting her, I am just so glad that she is in place to ride out the rest of this journey with us. I was pretty down and dissappointed and scared, quite frankly, when I found out that such a huge change (our initial social worker who completed all of the homestudy visits, quit before he wrote our report) was happening in the middle of our homestudy. It was a real exercise for me to not completely loose it and to keep reminding myself that God is in control and He is directing all the steps of this entire process. Then we met her....I just want to say..... I love her. She is awesome and thorough and fabulous. I feel in such good hands with her. It is so clear to see He had this all planned out all along.  So now our homestudy is in the approval stage and just about ready to join the pile of other waiting papers resting up for the journey to Ethiopia.

2~Last Tuesday, the 19th, I ventured downtown Chicago to the Sec of State office to get two very important documents certified. These two papers are vital parts of our dossier. So, I made the drive and navigated my way through the busy city streets and parked on the 9th floor of a parking garage, walked two blocks and up to the 10th floor to the office that would certify my documnets. All was going great. Not even a line. I filled out my form and approached the window, the girl behind the window told me it would be 4 $. AWESOME!!!  Then........she informed me that they could not certify my documents. Our dossier cover sheet was worded in a way that she said was not appropriate. I explained to her how this is form is issued by the State Department and this is exactly how it needs to be for them. She insited that it was wrong and that I was going to have to contact them and get a different form. She was not very pleasant either.  I will tell you, I about broke down crying right there. But I opted to put on a smile instead and remind myself that God has this, ALL of this. So I went home and did some investigating. I called our family coordinator and she was puzzled and even tried calling that office herself, same story. The odd thing is, other families from Illinois have taken this very same sheet to the very same office and had NO ISSUE. So I decided to part with these documents and send them off to the Sec Of State office in Springfield with a cover letter telling them what I needed and a check for 4 $, and TA- DA........TODAY, I recieved the documents back, certified and perfectly ready to head over to Ethiopia. I dont know what the issue was with the lady at that office downtown, she was downright rude to me and apperantly misinformed. I guess God just didnt want her involved in our paperwork...and that is just fine with me. Again, I was scared and frustrated and nervous about the next step, but again...He led the way, I followed, and all turned out perfectly.

So now, we just wait on this homestudy approval, hopefully it wont be too long. I know this much for sure, it wont be one second sooner or later that He sees fit. That I can totally trust in and rest with. This journey is just beginning and I know that there will be bumps in the road. I am just so grateful to have The Very Best Navigator in the universe, steering us and leading the way. Leading the way to the perfect baby girl He has for us.

3~ And Last but not least...on October 20th 2010, Zachary became a teenager. 13 years have flown by. WOW, I have 2 teenagers and a baby on the way. I am beyond blessed!!!!

                                          
Father, thank You for loving me. Thank You for comforting me and helping me to keep my eyes focused on You and Your plan for our lives instead of being derailed by the roadblocks of life. This adoption journey is such an awesome experience and one that I am so grateful for You guiding us to. I pray Father, that You will continue to illuminate this path for us to see clearly the direction You have for us. I pray that You will continue to go before us and pave the way for the rest of this journey. I pray for Your Blessings on any and all people who are in any way involved in this process for us. The staff here in the states and over in Ethiopia. I pray for blessings and protection over our little girl's birth mother and father and whatever situations they are facing and enduring that contribute to the decision they make, to give this child up in order for us to love her and raise her. I thank You Father, for all of the friends and family You have provided for us, to encourage us and love us and celebrate with us along the way. My heart is overwhelmed with Love for You, and  I am so excited to watch and discover how You unfold the rest of this story in miraculous ways. Thank You for blessing me with fabulous teenage boys and for their hearts to being open and receptive to You. They are the joy of my life and I cant wait to see the big brothers they become to one sweet little sister!!!
In Jesus Precious Name~Amen

A journal entry........

Well there is still no real news to report regarding our little darling. I heard on Friday from our social worker and she said she hopes to have our homestudy report complete by mid-October. That is really it for the news. Well and the other part......we are REQUESTING A GIRL!!!! We were originally not going to specify a gender, but as we have been talking and dreaming and excitedly planning on this and that....we decided to put our request before God. We earnestly prayed for His blessing on our hope for a little girl. Things just started to happen and be shown to us that it is in fact OK to request a girl. So we are. And we are naming her Nevaeh Lee ( pronounced NEV-A-YA). Lee is Steve's middle name and then we will keep her Ethiopian name as her second middle name.

I look forward to having more to report next time. Thanks to everyone for your prayers and encouragement and excitment for us.

Homestudy and more tales of summer 2010

I know it has been a while since I have updated the goings on for all things Teunis.I will start by saying that although we wrapped up our adoption homestudy on July1, we are still waiting on the finished report to send off to America World and then to the state of Illinois, so that we can move onto the next waiting phase of this wonderful journey. Part of the reason for the wait, is that our social worker is quitting the agency and he is now handing off our homestudy to someone new, by the way....someone we have never met. Although this is not supposed to be casue for alarm, it kind of has me feeling a bit anxious. I am trying to keep it under control, I know God is in this and He isnt going to allow for one more delay than He sees necessary and that makes me breathe a bit eassier.
We have spent the summer making some fun memories. I fell in love with Shipshewanna Indiana ( a sweet little Amish community and a real treasure of a place). Steve and I spent his birthday weekend in July there. S-L-O-W pace doesnt even come close to describing it.

We moved the kids bedrooms around and gave Zack's new room a makeover, baby's room will be next. I have spent alot of time reading. Lots of time on the porch swing.

We did some swing dancing on the wharf in Mystic Ct, as we caravanned with several friends on a road trip out to CBC (Christian Believers Conference....http://www.cbconference.com/) in Boston. I have been learning to crochet and spending more time cooking and baking.

I guess you might say, I have been making an attemp at being more dileberate in my enjoying the sweet little moments and not getting so caught up in the busy-ness of life.I guess that thought is captured well in the theme song for my summer...America Honey ( I fell in love with that song this summer, it will forever represent  Summer 2010 to me).  

So as school gets back into full swing now, and football season is upon us....Here comes school concerts and crowded calendars and soon enough the snow will start to fly......I am so grateful for the sweet days of summer.

Promises Of God

Watching all of this coverage of the Gulf Coast tugs at our heart, we just discovered this sweet place over Spring Break. We fell in love with it there. We decided very quickly that this was a new Teunis tradition. It was while we were enjoying this gem of a place and unwinding from life, that we decided to add to our family and ultimately to adopt. We so enjoyed our time there, and left for our drive back home, anxiously anticipating our next trip back. We are wondering now, will it ever be the same? Just look at this pristine beach. This world is so full of bad news and disappointment and hurt and devastation, that it is even more and more important to keep our eyes fixed on The Promises of God!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hF8H5BWY6_M